Halloween Humour
Make your own free website on Tripod.com
WITCH GOES SHOPPING by Lilian Moore

Witch rides off
Upon her broom,
Finds a space
To park it.
Takes a shiny shopping cart
Into the supermarket.
Smacks her lips and reads
The list of things she needs:

'Six bats' wings,
Worms in brine,
Ears of toads,
Eight or nine.
Slugs and bugs,
Snake skins dried,
Buzzard innards,
Pickled, fried.'

Witch takes herself
From shelf to shelf,
Cackling all the while,
Up and down and up and down and
In and out each aisle.
Out come cans and cartons
Tumbling to the floor.
'This,' says Witch, now all a-twitch
'Is a crazy store.
I CAN'T FIND A SINGLE THING
I AM LOOKING FOR!'

GHOSTS by Eric Maple

When goblins hunt and devils roar
And witches meet on blasted heath
And bony hands knock on my door
You'll hear the chatter of my teeth.

When owls are hooting in the night
And ravens croak from leafless trees
And ghosts come howling gleaming white
You'll hear the knocking of my knees.

Of course, it's not that I'm afraid.
It's just he way my bones are made.

JOKES ABOUT WITCHES AND MONSTERS

What do you call a wicked old woman who lives by the sea?
A sandwitch.

Why does a witch ride on a broom?
Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.

What do witches go racing on?
Brrm...brrm sticks.

What fruit does a vampire enjoy most?
Blood oranges.

Where do witches roost?
In Coven-tree.

Mummy! Mummy! What's a vampire?
Shut up and eat your soup before it clots!

Mummy! Mummy! People keep calling me a werewolf!
Shut up and comb your face!

Mum, I hate my big brother's guts.
Well, just leave them and eat the chips.